Write your own detention form: Judge Edward Chen assessed Quinn Emanuel nearly $3 million in sanctions and ordered three of his lawyers to take an eight-hour ethics course that the firm must design itself.
Devil’s Food, Not Bundt Cake: The DOJ has indicted a former federal prosecutor for emailing herself the still-secret volume of the Jack Smith Report under the file name “Bundt_Cake_Recipe.pdf.” Because the administration REALLY doesn’t want this report made public.
Stand Down And Stand By Reaches Its Payday: Todd Blanche testifies that he does not rule out taxpayer money being paid to a pardoned J6 rioter – one of them convicted of molesting two children and allegedly promising his victims “Trump Bucks” for their silence on a $1.776 billion “Anti-arms Fund”.
Temu School Rock: The Federal Circuit released a civics theme song touting that judges “serve a lifetime to remain independent and fair” — while it is actively in litigation for excluding Judge Pauline Newman from its courtroom.
The litigation department is doing well, says the litigation department on fire: Paul, Weiss lost even more lawyers.
An inappropriate breakfast without a mandate: The judge suppressed evidence in Luigi Mangione’s case after finding that Altoona police conducted an improper, warrantless search of his backpack at a McDonald’s — a move the press called a decision by the court “throwing him a bone” rather than the Fourth Amendment doing exactly what it’s supposed to do.
$22,500 per day for a meme: Larry Bushart, a retired Tennessee sheriff who spent 37 days in jail for posting Facebook memes about Charlie Kirk’s death, settled his First Amendment lawsuit against Perry County for $835,000 — evidence that the arresting officers might have wanted to skim the Constitution before moving straight to handcuffs.
Todd Blanche’s “Trump’s Personal Lawyer” shirt has people asking many questions already answered by his shirt: Pressed by Senator Van Hollen about his conflict of interest, Blanche responded by shouting that the press should stop referring to him as Trump’s former personal lawyer, even though it is entirely accurate.
The indictment takes place without the defendant – nor his dignity: A 33-year-old woman gave birth on a bench in a Brooklyn courtroom after being held for more than 30 hours on minor charges, and the system, rather than pausing for the arrival of a human being, simply conducted the arraignment without her.
The Looksmaxxer is released-Looksmaxxed: Looksmaxxing influencer “Clavicular” took a plea deal for shooting a dead alligator live on air, but the internet completely ignored the accusation and instead said Miami-Dade Judge Marcus Bach-Armas decisively “mogged” the 20-year-old in his own courtroom.
